"Yes, I know that. But can you tell me why people fall down when their lives are in ruins?"
"That's easy. They simply forget to create a vortex in their manufactured and reconstructed world."
"Oh yeah, that makes sense. Now I can see the true meaning behind all the days of our lives."
"I'm glad I could be of service to you. Is there anything else on your mind at the moment?"
"Well, yes, but I hesitate to mention it."
"Feel free to say anything. My mind is like a cloud that drifts through your distorted concept of reality. Nothing you say can disturb my tranquillity.
"I hate it when you talk like that. You sound just like a man who went crazy and they locked him away from normal society."
"What's so normal about this society. It is actually a replica of its own future and the friction of its orbit around the sun."
"I am living the standard nightmare of existence."
"That's funny. So am I. What a coincidence."
"I am a triangle formed between two magnetic islands."
"I sympathise with you. I sympathise with everybody. Everyone is struggling along the best way they know but it just isn't working."
"Yes, it is. It's working perfectly."
"Oh yeah, you're right. I forgot. I was looking at things the wrong way."
"Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. I am the lucky number!
"I know what you mean. My picture of reality changes from one moment to the next. What was impossible yesterday is now quite easy. Conversely, that which was simple and effortless yesterday has suddenly become impossible. You get used to it."
"I used to think people were trying to investigate my life."
"That's nothing! I was abducted by hypnotic and psychotic aliens who took me on a rampage through their sub-atomic universe."
"I was cold when my own cold, cold icecreams were cold."
"Milk is the frozen milk of my lifetime."
"I used to think I was the sprinkling of dust."
"You are. You are a handful of dust."
"Geometry made promises to me that it could never keep."
"I'm alive! I'm alive! I am a living being."
"Okay, calm down. Keep your shirt on."
"Sorry, I got a bit carried away! I won't do it again, I promise."
"You can't go around getting all excited like that at the drop of a hat. What will people think?"
"They will probably think I am a lunatic and they might be right."
"Why worry about their opinions. They are anchored to a rigid view of reality that never shifts and never bends. Deep down inside, they hope it never ends."
"That sounds like a poem. Do you mind if I write it down on my hand?
"Be my guest. Do you need a pen?"
"No. But I might need to borrow your horoscope for a while."
"It's over there next to my seven copies of the Bible."
"Why do you need seven copies?"
"I am the wave and the tune and the light. Anyone who believes in this will surely never die."
"That's great, mate but what does it mean?"
"I am the cave and the moon and the night. Anyone who follows me will be alright."
"Yes, I heard you the first time. There's no need to repeat yourself."
"Why not? It's fun to repeat yourself. I do it all the time."
"So I noticed."
"No need to get nasty. I was merely expressing my opinion."
"There are no opinions. There are only points of view."
"I couldn't agree more."
"More than you'll ever know."
"You don't seem to get excited very often."
"I dance on the inside."
"That's what they all say!"
"It's true. Once you come to truly appreciate serenity and tranquillity, you learn to value them far above the kind of empty excitement most people seem to crave."
"That's true. Jus the other day I saw someone getting all excited because he thought a few subatomic aliens were transforming and relocating his brain. I told him to get real and stop pouring milk into my hair. He was very sorry about causing the second world war."
"I think everyone should take a vow of poverty as well as a vow of silence."
"That's not what most people think."
"I'm not interested in the conventional view. It is terribly uninspired."
"It has made the world what it is today."
"I take it you're not a big fan of the current state of humanity."
"Give the man a cigar. You are truly a genius. No, seriously, the world is pretty well f***ed up right now. It would take a miracle to fix it up."
"Don't you believe in miracles?"
"Only fools and dreamers believe in miracles."
"But the entire universe is a miracle. You're living inside a miracle as we speak. How can you turn around and say you don't believe in miracles?"
"Okay, I give up. You've convinced me."
"That wasn't too hard now was it."
"I may look harmless enough but I am really a subversive. I want to dismantle the status quo because it just isn't working. But what you replace it with is the big question."
"That is a big question. Let me get back to you when I've worked it out."
"I need an answer now or I will lose my mind."
"Don't worry, mate. If you lose your mind, I'll do all your thinking for you."
"I feel better already."
"That's the way a conversation should go. It should jump all over the place. Most conversations are too linear for my liking."
"You do it your way and I'll do it my way and I'll be in Scotland before you."
"That's better! You're really getting into the spirit of things!"
"Why did you say marmalade?"
"Sorry. I got confused and I panicked."
"That's quite alright. But you must promise me never to do it again."
"I am the Japanese embassy."
"Hold that thought. I have to stop talking for a while or my head will collapse."
"I understand. Your secret is safe with me."
"Melting. Melting. I am the melting snow."
"I hope you're joking because I would hate to have to go through life with that sort of idea in my head."
"I walk through the political quagmire of life."
"I know just what you mean."
"I am an abysmal life-form flowing through your mentality of reality"
"That's nice, mate but I can't afford to lend you any money after all."
"I wasn't asking for money. Where did you get that idea from?"
"It just popped into my head as if by magic"
"I don't believe in magic myself."
"That's not what you said last week. I remember you saying that every single aspect of the universe was a reminder of the magic of creation. Have you forgotten so quickly?"
"Well, I changed my mind. That's my prerogative. I might decide next week that my life is so strange that it should be placed in a museum.""
"That sounds like a wonderful idea. Can I join you?"
"Not really. There are some things a person has to do on their own or it just won't work."
"Do you ever get the feeling someone else is living inside your head?"
"Oh yes, all the time. There is an entire community of beings living inside me. They don't eat much and they are great company."
"What sort of beings are they? If you don't mind me asking."
"They are the cosmic equivalent of the familiar particle beings who you meet every day but never get around to talking to."
"I'm confused. Can you explain it further?"
"I could. But you would not understand the explanantion. There are some ideas you are just not ready for. This is because of your lack of understanding at this level of existence."
"Are you calling me stupid?"
"Not at all. Everything happens in its own way and at the appropriate time."
"You could have fooled me."
"I could have but I chose not to. There is simply no motive for me to fool anyone."
"I was born like a Japanese doctor. I walk round in the middle of a room."
"What is your opinion about the latest issues."
"I have none."
"You're no fun."
"You're wrong there, my lad. I just happen to have a different concept of fun from everyone else. My idea of fun is to sit and meditate for hours on the infinite mysteries of existence."
"I don't believe you."
"That's your prerogative. By the way, what colour is a piece of string?"
"Beats me. I'm still trying to imagine the sound of one man clapping."
"So am I. Good luck."
"But honestly, what is your opinion? I really want to know."
"I am Switzerland. I have no opinion on anything under the sun. When my mind resides in the clear, white light I can see everything from an infinite number of angles. To select one of these angles as the best angle does seem quite arbitrary and somewhat silly to me."
"I suppose you're right. My doctor told me to jump around the room like a rabbit."
"I am the political adjective."
"It always amazes me how people can live in a city of their own dreams."
"I don't think you're in touch with reality, mate."
"I tried reality once but I didn't like it. It left something to be desired."
"I know what you mean. I also have doubts about the direction the world is heading."
"I used to believe in the crimson reality of life."
"Crimson reality? That's your own crimson reality. That's your own crimson reality!"
"There's no need to shout. I heard you the first time."
"I wasn't shouting at you. I was shouting at the beings in my mind."
"That's okay. Say hello for me."
"I sure will. Do you have any message for them?"
"I am the travelling salesman. I travel through the nightmare of life."
"Well, that's one way of looking at it"
"In sweet moments of clear plastic, our lives become folded and reduced."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"One day you'll be ready for that idea - and you'll be grateful to me for putting it in your head"
"You might be right about that but at the moment I'd rather fold my own candles."
"Don't get too complacent. I think we all still have a long way to go."
"Yes, you're right of course. The goal should be a state of global nirvana and the only real obstacle is stress."
"I think there are other obstacles you may not be aware of. Old habits die hard. Most people will continue to endure an unideal situation until it drives them to do something crazy."
"Why don't they just sing their way out of trouble like I do."
"They probably just forgot how funny the world can be when you don't have a clue."
"What are you going to do now?"
"I thought I might sit quietly and meditate on the nature of love."
"But you and I already know the true nature of love, don't we?"
"Yes, but I still enjoy meditating on it. I still remember the days when I was like everyone else and saw love as this mysterious emotion you feel for just a few special people around you. I now realise this is a very diminished view of what love truly is. Once I started to see love as a universal force that flows through every aspect of creation, I started to get a glimpse of what our true nature is. It blew my mind, literally."
"That sounds like fun. I might join you."
"I'm glad we had this little chat."
"The pleasure was all mine. Thank you, doctor."
This is still a work-in-progress.
Any suggestions or comments - email me at email@example.com
Even if you just want say it is the most demented piece of writing you've ever read!