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Toxic Emotions
Toxic Emotions   &

This will require some editing nd polishing but I'll type up the ideas as they occured to me as I walked home from the market today, 5-2-2000.

The voices in my head are at it again. They are dictating "books" to me. I don't mind but sometimes they dictate ten books at once and it can sound like complete gibberish on paper after seeming crystal clear in my head. Ah, the limitations of human language, marvelous as it is.

Actually, it is a broader topic than just toxic emotions, deepending on how you wish to define your terms. A lot of it was imagining (as I do) exchanges of conversation which never seem to take place in "conventional" situations ...

"Yes, but you are assuming that your assessment of the situation is the full story. That some people's lives are in fact being ruined. It may appear that is what is happening but there is always a much deeper level of reality to consider. The human soul creates circumstances and opportunities to evolve and grow. Sometimes these circumstances are what we routinely describe as "tragic" or "traumatic". The soul evolves through trauma. Or rather what we describe or perceive as trauma. ...

"How can you believe such things?"

"I don't believe this to be true. I know. I know with a certainty I could never have imagined even one year ago. If ANYONE knows about trauma it is me. Schizophrenia is wall-to-wall trauma on a daily basis. Most people can't even imagine what it is like to wake up each day not knowing what is real and who you are and whether today is the day you lose it compleltely. Nothing happens by accident at all. It just appears that way to our limited understanding of how the BIG picture works. Everything is choice. E ven if that choice is to regard those statements as crazy talk. It is all part of the journey." (Vibrasonics/Flight waves)

The first step is to wonder. To wonder if there might not be another WAY of looking at things. People & situations.

Why do i tend not to speak a lot? When you really look at it, 99% of most "ordinary" conversations can be categorised as one of four activities:
1. Complaining - usually mutually reinforcing complaining.
2. Being judgemental - of people and situations.
3. Focussing on matters which in the grand scheme of things are really quite trivial & inconsequentiial.
4. Reinforcing an uninspired and narrow view of what reality is and what we are all doing here.

I have simply decided that each of these is a toxic activity and so I will refrain from participating in them as my number one priority at this moment.

Not to mention the fact that most of them proceed along linear paths. I suppose that is why I wrote those two pieces Fragments of a conversation & Just another conversation. I was asking the question what would happen IF conversations were inspired by something other than conventional, linear thought processes.

"Being psychotic means having the ability to create ecstasy out of thin air. You really should try it one day - maybe in your next lifetime."

Now we get onto the main part I scribbled down on scraps of paper walking back from the market (no pun intended) ....

Well, the initial section was sparked by a discussion of being a vegetarian. Why do i do it? Well, apart from the fact that it is healthier, less expensive and better for your soul, I can't think of a reason why anyone would do it. I wondered whether or not humans are inheriting the stress of the creatures they consume.

[An oldie just popped into my head as I typed up these notes - There can be no real happiness without inner peace and there can be no real inner peace while you habitually judge other people (& situations)]

"I'm SORRY. I don't spend my time disapproving of the actions (or lifestyles) of others. It's stupid and it fills you with toxic emotions. I know! I USED TO DO IT ALL THE TIME. Then one day I woke up and decided 'Hey, this is stupid. Why don't i stop doing this.'

No situation is static - even if it appears to be that way from our limited perception of it.

Once you make the decision not to engage in toxic habits, you need to find some more uplifting habits to put in their place. Nature abhors a vacuum. THIS IS BY NO MEANS EASY. (pun intended)

I always remind myself that what I can see and how I assess any person or situation is never the full story or the end of the story. All "negative" experiences contain opportunities (I prefer that word to "lessons") - your job is to find them and use them. This may require much energy and time but hey, what else are you going to do? Sit around and complain? That won't get you very far - but even that is part of the journey.

I left out a few points - well, that's an exercise to fill in the blanks. I think it was along the lines that toxic emotions (or toxic reactions) occur when you take the actions of others personally. the ultimate example of NOT taking things personally is the martyrs. They genuinley loved the people who weere murdering them. I used to think this was sheer lunacy but I was also jealous. Once you have imagined how you could react differently you have opened up the possibility for it to happen. That is no guar antee of course.

I suppose the classic example is the words of Jesus on the Cross Father forgive them for they know not what they do. I used this a few days ago when I was in a less "centred" mood refering to psychiatrists and suggesting they were in fact cruxifying psychiatric patients with their little magic pills. See, I'm not always able to practise non-judgement.

If do a rework of this for Newsletter - I apologise if the term "toxic emotions" is copyright - I can't remember if I read it somewhere or not. Then again, there is one theory that everything that CAn be thought (or experienced) has already been thought. So there is nothing new. We are all part of some vast collective subconscious which we visit in our dreams. I vaguely remember reading somewhere (probly on the internet) that there is a place in the afterlife realms where you can "see" every thought that h as ever been thought. Every idea, every emotion etc etc {I think it was ??}

Another intriguing notion which just popped into my head one day was the idea to eliminate the word "should" from my vocabulary. It can be an illuminating undertaking to spend a day merely taking note of when the word "should" is mentioned either explicitly or implicitly. Once you get a glimpse of the bigger picture, you start to see the universe as a vast ocean of infinite possibilities. To assume that your particular way of viewing or assessing any person or situation is THE right way of seeing it is quit e some assumption. {Boy! Talk about clumsy phraing - need to work on that because it's a crucial idea.}

[Again, I know from experience because I USED TO DO IT ALL THE TIME]

I like to sit back and imagine just WHAT the world would be like if the word "should" suddenly ceased to enter anyone's thinking or actions. At first glance, you might think it would be chaotic ... but I wonder ...

Yes, now that i type up my notes I realise they don't flow as smoothly as when they were just in existence in my cerebral cortex. Maybe I should have left them where they were, to float onto someone else who needed them.

{I remember reading we all agreed to come down here and play the exact, specific roles we are all now playing. Part of that agreement is to forget that we agreeed ... reminds me a lot of material at Beacon of Light - the Game ...} Also found other interesting links today Feb 5th - see online journal (which you just came from ... boy I can be a dunce at imes ... One I did not put in journal is: - Steve rother's story - nothing surprises me now but much intrigues me ...

C  J  '

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